– Part Four –

QUESTIONING THE CAREER

The next year, I would graduate high school and almost immediately begin working at Hollywood Video—my first job. A fun, if not entirely unexpected, coincidence. Through that job, I was able to rent movies for free and easily expand my film repertoire. This was of course during a time before movie streaming. It truly was a perfect job to have while going to community college.

Watching more documentaries, and listening to more commentaries, the more I learned about directing and filmmaking. I realized just how tough it was. I have a rather passive personality, but in the world of movies that’s often a death sentence. Directors have to be firmly in control of their productions, dealing with countless departments, as they carry almost all the responsibility. A single failed film production can immediately end a career. The stress is extreme.

Cranston even admitted how stressful filming could get during the making of ‘Last Chance.’ “I’m so consumed by the demands of the job,” he said, after noting he had been working seven days a week for two months. “I equate it with putting together a small city. It’s like an invasion for a temporary period of time.” ^[3a] Later, he would add, “I’ve been an actor for [a while], but producing a movie? That’s a whole new arena. I found out quickly how hard it is and longed to be just an actor again. In any regard, I have a new appreciation for all the producers I’ve worked with over the years.” ^[13]

It was then that I realized: was directing really something I could do?

LIFE DERAILED

Unfortunately, a recession would soon hit. Hollywood Video had already been struggling thanks to Netflix, Redbox, and poor company decisions; but this was truly the nail in the coffin. By 2010, the company closed all its locations, and I was out of the job.

I was also unable to afford college anymore, somehow unqualified for financial aid. For 6 months, I was unemployed as anxiety intensified due to future uncertainties. Thanks to the recession, it was nearly impossible to find work anywhere, especially in my small town’s limited area.

Later that winter, I finally got a job at the Palm Springs International Airport in their gift shops—about 35 miles away, nearly a 45-minute drive. It paid about minimum wage, but at that point I was desperate.

Somehow, despite these issues, I worked there for nearly a decade.

While some of the blame does lie with outside forces, beyond my control, in the end it was me who allowed it to continue for so long. You’d think the reasons involved good pay, but that wasn’t true at all: by the end I was still making minimum wage while commuting up and down a steep grade. I allowed myself to become comfortable. Everything became routine. I did the job well, and it felt safe in many ways; despite it often being stressful.

During this large stretch of my existence, dreams of becoming a director faded away entirely. No one believed that was my future anymore, including myself. If I couldn’t even find a way to move closer to my meager job, moving toward anything else was an impossible fantasy. However, I gave myself one solace—one goal that I felt I could perhaps reach. If I couldn’t create a film, I could at least write a novel. Telling stories was what attracted me to filmmaking to begin with, and I had written several of them in my youth.

Writing the novel would prove to be challenging while juggling my life. Relationships blossomed, then wilted. My family fractured, as we all broke away from each other. Friendships became fossilized over time. Beloved pets came and went.

All the while, I continued my endless loop at work—always on the go, making just enough money to end up back where I started. Retail became my stage for my least favorite acting role. My audience would see me smiling, but inside I was screaming. I didn’t belong at work; I didn’t belong at home. I existed in a purgatory between the two, never connecting with anyone beyond the register or my bedroom walls. My only comfort—my only solitude where I felt like I could finally breathe—were the drives between it all. And even then, I had anxiety behind the wheel. At one point, I wanted to turn that wheel and send myself into oblivion.

But then… a pandemic happened.

MY LAST CHANCE

A lot resulted from the world’s sudden shift to isolation due to COVID-19 in 2020. I have notated certain details of my experience elsewhere. To summarize, I was laid off from work indefinitely. An opportunity allowed me to have some extended time to myself. It was exactly what I needed to clear my head—halting the dark loop that almost led to an impassable descent. I reconnected with nature, which was something I had forgotten I truly missed. But most of all, I finally had real time to work on my novel.

During this period, there was of course some relaxation. I watched movies and shows I either had never seen before or hadn’t in a very long time. One day, I unearthed the DVD of ‘Last Chance’ and re-watched it for the first time in many, many years.

“Opening Titles” – A video clip from ‘Last Chance’ (1999).

As the film began, the synthetic music that played over its opening titles instantly transported me back to the ‘90s. While it still felt like I was watching “a professional home movie,” this time other details captured my attention. I was finally absorbing the film’s story. I found I was relating to Lauren—someone who wanted to leave their town but was trapped by obligations and responsibilities. At the same time, I was relating to Sam—someone who had talent that didn’t have a grip on it due to their emotions, choosing to aimlessly drive away from it all.

And as I continued to watch, I teared up, realizing Cranston’s intended questions:

“When will you know if it’s your last chance? When will you see if there’s an opportunity to make a change in your life? Do you grab it? Do you even recognize it?” ^[4]

Did I miss my last chance?

There were forks in the road that I could have taken—hell, even that my family could have taken—which may have led to a better life. Or maybe not. Regardless, as I watched, I felt as trapped in my life as the movie’s characters did in theirs. I was a failure. I had become Lance—someone who could only blame their life being the way it was because of the world around them. I didn’t want to believe it. But then, Sam gave his monologue near the end of the film:

“Sam’s Monologue” – A video clip from ‘Last Chance’ (1999).

Yes, I failed, Lauren. That’s what I did. I failed. I drank it away, I screwed it away, I fought it away. But I did one thing that you’ve never even tried: I took a chance. That’s not a whole lot to hang your hat on, but, oh brother, I had my time and it was quite a ride. And it was the only time in my life that I felt alive, until now. But not you. You won’t venture out past your travel magazines. Not because you don’t want to. It’s because you’re scared. Everyone’s scared, Lauren. You’re not alone. You lead your life like you’re walking through a minefield. One false move and you’re gone. That’s not living. That’s waiting to die.

As tears spread down my face, I knew what he said was also true for me. I was scared. I’d been scared for years. Hell, I’m still scared. But the loop that I had been in for nearly a decade was going to send me spiraling into my grave. I may have been writing a novel, but it was becoming more of an epitaph than a tome. There was also more to my life than what I had written down, what my job was, and even where I lived.

“What the point was is that this woman, all along, thought that in order to have a life, she would have to leave this place,” Cranston reveals. “And the reality is that it’s a perspective that if you can change your point of view on something that you don’t have to leave the actual physical place that you’re in, or your friends; you just shed the old ways. And Lauren does that. She takes on a new attitude, stays where she’s comfortable, and has good friends, and just completely changes her life around. And that’s how she discovered her last chance.” ^[4]

It’s a beautiful message—and exactly the one I needed at that exact moment in my life.

‘Last Chance’ had revealed my last chance.

CHANGING THE COURSE OF MY HISTORY

I needed some time away from the world of retail after 15 years. There were other talents that I knew I had, evidenced in a restoration project I did in 2019 and early 2020 for Criterion’s release of the classic film ‘Journey To The Beginning Of Time.’ So, I produced various video projects for my ‘Jurassic Park’-themed YouTube channel, Jurassic Time—bringing me an audience that provided income for something I loved. These projects lasted for quite a while, leading me to connect with incredible individuals, such as Oscar-winning production designer Rick Carter, thanks to interviews I had conducted. In fact, one of the best productions for the channel, ‘Rick Carter’s Jurassic Park,’ was thanks to his vision. While my popularity didn’t last, it’s a fun hobby that I still plan to continue when time permits.

The work I did on my channel led to me writing articles for Jurassic Outpost, giving me another venue to boast my writing skills to fans of ‘Jurassic Park’ while also expanding my networking. This led to an incredible consultation job offer on Insight Editions’ ‘Jurassic Park: The Official Script Book,’ where I helped allocate most of its imagery, along with other details and suggestions. To promote the book, I also wrote, directed, and starred in a short film: ‘An Isla Nublar Adventure.’ It was a “one man” production, without any other cast or crew, as I mostly ran around a local preserve being chased by a largely unseen dinosaur. It was a fun, silly, yet challenging little film that finally quenched my old filmmaking thirsts. So far, my work on the book hasn’t opened any other doors with Insight Editions, or any other publisher, but it was a great experience.

I also “cleaned my room,” which Tim Thomerson would certainly be proud of. But this wasn’t any normal cleaning: I excised a lot of items from my past that didn’t need to be in my life anymore. Tokens of times that are best left forgotten, and much more were either given away or sold. In some cases, a big profit was actually made. This helped me continue to be at bay from retail work while also allowing myself to go on some excursions.

One of those was a trip to Spokane, Washington in 2023 to visit Cyan Worlds headquarters. They are the creators of the popular ‘Myst’ and ‘Riven’ video games, and it was an alluring location I had wanted to venture to since I was a child. It was an experience I will never forget, making some new friends while enjoying the gorgeous state.

Completing my novel was still a huge priority during this time. I had worked on it for years at this point, and I was going to see it through by spending proper time with it. This included weaving in themes I had recently learned from the reality of my own life. However, I had to set strict goals to ensure the novel would finally be released. Despite no publishers taking it on, I had it professionally edited and published it myself. On June 3^rd, 2025, my science fiction adventure, ‘Invertiverse,’ was finally released to the world. So far, the reception has been good, and only time will tell what audience it will find.

AN UNCERTAIN FUTURE

At the time of writing this, I am not sure what lies ahead. I still have left a lot unsaid. There may be other novels or articles I’ll write in the future to expand those talents I have now spent years crafting. Perhaps I will still find my way into the movie business, even if it isn’t directing? Maybe something I could never even dream of will happen instead? I just never want my passions to be caged again.

Regardless of what my future may hold, I have already accomplished so much right where I am now. It may not have led to anything yet, but at least the effort is all here. Whether I leave my small desert town right now or not, if I feel fulfilled that’s all that matters. Thanks to ‘Last Chance,’ I can finally recognize that.

Bryan Cranston’s career flourished as the years passed. After ‘Malcolm In The Middle,’ he became a household name while portraying his Emmy-winning role of “Walter White” in the phenomenal TV show ‘Breaking Bad.’ In fact, he would direct several of its episodes himself, returning behind the camera. From there, he continued to play memorable roles in ‘Argo,’ ‘Godzilla’ (2014), ‘Trumbo,’ ‘Isle Of Dogs,’ and many more. He recently won another Emmy for his guest role on ‘The Studio’ and will be returning as “Hal” on the upcoming ‘Malcolm’ sequel series: ‘Malcolm in the Middle: Life’s Still Unfair.’

Best of all: Bryan Cranston and Robin Dearden just celebrated their 36^th year of marriage. Their daughter, Taylor Dearden, is also making waves with her performance in ‘The Pitt.’ It’s heartwarming to know that they are all doing so well.

When I look back at the experience I had on ‘Last Chance,’ I don’t think of it as simply watching a movie being made. It was a summer where I spent time with a lot of people: the actors, the crew, the director, his wife, and my family. It was an incredible little adventure, with memories made from a time when my life felt promising and full of optimism. But now, it all may as well be from another life. I miss it terribly.

My life is not where I want it to be, but I dream that someday it will be.

* * *

“As it is with most things, we tend to forget the hardships and remember only the fun in the past. Thankfully, that’s how I fondly recall our experiences in the desert shooting ‘Last Chance.’ It was literally made with our blood, sweat, and tears, but mostly a labor of love by a lot of hard working people doing me a favor. I will be forever grateful. I hope you’ll check out ‘Last Chance.’” – Bryan Cranston ^[13]