– Part Two –

A RECKLESS RETURN

Jurassic Park was exhumed from its grave with Jurassic World in 2015. The franchise reinvented itself, bringing back the old fans, like me, with all new ones. It was in many ways even more thrilling than before to return to the fandom, because now I was experiencing Jurassic as an adult. That meant I could finally spend my own money on it.

When the new series came, I could see each film a dozen times if I wanted to, and anywhere. I could buy all the new toys, all the enticing collectibles, and all the rare props I wanted. An obsession was reignited: only this time, it would cost me more than hours lost to a computer.

I must have spent thousands of dollars, recklessly. Jurassic Park was becoming my identity again, and I wanted everyone to know it. It was addicting.

I started a YouTube channel known as Jurassic Time, and wanted to populate it with content; including never-before-seen storyboards created to help make the films. I wanted to show everyone things that I thought mattered. All my hours at work were only to support this singular, lonely passion. I was appeasing people who lived thousands of miles away, while I still sat alone behind a monitor. An audience of “likes” and “hearts,” but without any soul.

I didn’t realize I truly had a problem until 2018.

AN UNFORGETTABLE EVENT

It was Jurassic Park’s 25^th Anniversary, and Universal Studios Hollywood had a special event for an entire three-day weekend. It was the first time a huge event like this happened for the franchise, and it was packed every single day. The best part of the experience was finally meeting some people who I had known for years online. They were all finally real, right there in the flesh. I could hug them, be beside them when we talked, and go on rides together. They weren’t pixels anymore. It was such a fun experience with unending love from everyone over the franchise, but also with each other.

When the event was over, and I had to return home, it quickly felt like it had been a dream. It was probably the best experience of my entire life at that moment. I had finally thought I belonged with people. But then it was all gone, as if it had never happened. I was back behind the computer screen and the checkout counter.

I had been teased with a life that didn’t exist in my actual reality. Returning to my real world so suddenly was devastating. It was all because I hadn’t shaped my life beyond the fandom. I had nothing to go back to. It was embarrassing, sickening. All the flaws of my reality became amplified, making me even more depressed that it wasn’t as good as it could have been.

Later, there were happy distractions resembling the event that generated the same great feelings as before. A trip to Orlando, Florida, concerts, more trips to Universal Studios, and more meetings with fans. But it was always so brief. The positive emotions were taken away as swiftly as they had returned, every time. My emptiness grew until it exploded. One can fathom a guess as to what that may have entailed.

Then, a pandemic happened.

REVELATION

COVID-19 stopped the world. I lost my job, and through a miraculous circumstance, I was isolated while house sitting for nearly half a year. I was forced to be introspective, challenging who I was. At the same time, I fell back on the Jurassic fandom harder than ever, because now everyone was only available behind a screen.

My old habits erupted. I did more Jurassic Time video projects, including Rick Carter’s Jurassic Park: An Illustrated Audio Drama that involved many people. It was a community effort, and because of that it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever done. This led to the creation of a new companion website that boasted everything I had created for the fandom. Jurassic Outpost, the largest Jurassic Park-related fan site, also recruited me to do articles and guest appearances on their podcast. Despite all of this, I was still behaving as I had before.

I hadn’t changed.

That was until the need for streamlined communications, during the pandemic’s isolation, opened a new door to something I hadn’t really done before: interviews with people who worked on the Jurassic Park films. Composers, artists, production designers, and more. I was beyond excited to talk to all of them and am still grateful they took the time to do so.

The more we conversed, the more I felt very different about fandoms and my place in them. These were people that I idolized as much as I had obsessed over their creations. Given their extreme talents that led to people like me delving into every detail, you’d think they would have been as sheltered as I was.

But none of them were.

They all had full lives, far beyond their own talents; and beyond one singular franchise. They were well-rounded people, each with distinctive personalities.

They all had their own identities.

These people succeeded with their careers because they didn’t allow just one thing to rule their lives. They were shaped by many things that made them who they were. There was no slavish devotion. Things that came and went didn’t rule over them. They tried to be in control of their own narratives, but even when they weren’t they didn’t disappear into themselves.

They kept going.

Realizing all of this was more than inspiring: it saved me.

The people who worked on Jurassic Park look back on it with fond memories, but they don’t live in them. Their lives continued beyond that point, making new creations and events on their timelines. Their passions fueled them in ways that didn’t control them. It was symbiotic.

When this all finally sank in, I began to ease my time spent on things related to Jurassic Park.

THE REVISED LIFE

I started to hike in my area, which was something I dabbled with in the past but now it’s a weekly excursion. A novel that I’ve been working on for nearly a decade finally had proper time spent on it, and now it’s about to be self-published. I’ve also been trying to expand my horizons by writing about other topics and describing my emotions. It’s all been part of my new focus: to expand my aperture and really see the world while expressing myself within it.

But just like the creators of Jurassic Park, I haven’t jettisoned my love of it completely. That was my mistake, before. One doesn’t need to bury the past completely: just don’t dwell in it. When I have extra time, I still do things related to the franchise and greatly anticipate new developments.

Just recently, I made a short documentary about an unknown aspect of the original film’s history. It’s probably one of my best videos, and part of why was because of the emotional focus I decided to put on it. This was something the “older version” of me would have been too scared to do. The important thing was that it wasn’t just content on an assembly line but something that received time and dedication.

The illustrated audio drama I mentioned before brought me in contact with Jurassic Park’s production designer Rick Carter. I’ve since met him in person and appreciated more of his talents and introspective views. I also became a partner for his son’s fantastic art exhibit. All of it was something I could never have dreamt would have happened, but I feel like it only did because I saw everyone for who they were: truly wonderful human beings.

I was forced to reign in and organize my obsessive catalog of Jurassic artifacts and information thanks to another amazing opportunity. In 2023, I was lucky enough to consult on Insight Edition’s official script book for Jurassic Park. This only happened because I stuck my neck out further than ever, striking a real connection. However, I also realized such jobs can be aberrations, such as the time I worked with the famous Criterion Collection to help resurrect an English version of an old film.

It’s good to appreciate opportunities as they come, but it can be dangerous when you put all your stock in them. This almost happened when I was certain Insight Editions would make a book for The Lost World, which I would have co-written. Unfortunately, it was canceled. It took some willpower not to be upset by the decision, whereas in my past I would have completely crumbled. Whether I have any future with the company remains to be seen, but it was still a rewarding experience being part of something as big as it was. And it’s all thanks to being part of a fandom while having a controlled hand on it.

I am also no longer shying away from being a more “passive fan” of other things, such as Cyan’s games like Riven. In fact, my reborn interest in their work (which had always been inspiring) led to me flying to their headquarters in Spokane, Washington last year. It was part of the Mysterium convention, which brought me to a whole new group of people I hadn’t even talked to online before. I may not be as knowledgeable with their interests as most of their brethren, but they were still welcoming. I learned from them, expanding my interests and knowledge beyond what I was normally used to.

THE ENDING HAS NOT YET BEEN WRITTEN

Things aren’t perfect. I’m still trying to level everything while also attempting to find a true career with my actual talents; beyond what I can do in fandoms. Finding my own symbiosis may take some time. But it’s the fact I am trying now that matters.

If you find yourself in a fandom, and become as obsessed as I was, it’s fine. There are many positives, especially connections made with other fans which are valuable and worth having in your life. The thing to remember is to not become lost in it. You matter more than any fandom. There is a life worth having beyond it. An entire world is out there for you to see. There is no way to function properly without going past the screen. Be wary as the minutes tick by, because eventually the clock will stop working.

Don’t just take my word for it. Look to the very people who created these fandoms.

They aren’t trapped in amber.